The word brings up nothing more than a Zenith Lab Vision 20 few poor Somalis who try to hijack shipping vessels off the Horn of Africa or teenagers illegally downloading the latest MGMT album at 3AM from their parents' internet cable service.For the few classical pirates that still remain hidden among us, bolstering their once intimidating persona is something that, if not achieved, threatens the very existence of their waning population.For those pirates who are struggling to come out of the closet and terrorize the world once again, they must consider getting an eye exam.
This is no joke. An eye with poor vision can easily be removed, making it necessary for a real eye patch to be placed around the head of the pirate in question. No pirate who would wear an eye patch over a good eye could ever be taken seriously. Finally, pirates need to acquire a fantastic boating vessel and crew in order to travel the Caribbean from cruise line to cruise line, demanding royalties from tourists, bad comics, and the elderly for daring to vacation in their waters.
All gold acquired should be melted down into large coins, kept in treasure chests you bury on various islands and dropped into shallow areas of the sea. Once all pirates have taken an eye exam, acquired a severe injury (and preferably a loss of extremity) and begun to pillage the seas, only then will the world rightfully fear the pirate once again.
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